week two

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i've recently been having a hard time getting over a girl,

and it doesn't help that i see her face wherever i go.

i see her in the crowds at school,

i see her at the grocery store.

i see her in the line at the bank,

i see her at her dentist appointment.

i see her when she's eating with her friends,

i see her at her yoga class.

i see her when she's getting ready for bed,

and i see her when she's sleeping.

how do i get her out of my heart?!

trav clark

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the wind never dies

the unimpressionable soil implied sincere
and while reality was effectuating proliferation
the seed's intention's seemed so clear
but a seed may bloom or burst without explanation

vacant offerings can often puncture foundations
earth can only accept what the seed puts forth
a seed protects with self-restrictive limitations
yet these rarely manifest a sprout headed north

the earth sat patient and the nutrients came
the rich nature of the soil will not cease
if the seed would just fall he could do the same
take root, or don't, but the earth you cannot lease

different seeds may come and find shelter in the earth
while the desired seed needs this soil to produce its birth

lauren swainston

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IT'S OPPOSITE DAY BABY!

dane cannon

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post-teenage waste-world, literally

my mind is made up. literally. "higher" education. i am a wage slave. literally. a table servant. i find my role rolling. literally. my bike tires need air.

archaic aim sold for ambivalence and relativity. all sales final? literally.

figurative mansions in literal shambles. literature literally litigating life.

my word is my weapon. polysyllabic machine guns? literally? or only literature-ly?

i got a fortune cookie that said "you will soon bring joy to someone." if that's not literally true then this is all a lie and is meaningless; a waste, just like the numbers on the back of the fortune. a quantifiable waste. literally.

the end

(post text): if this brought you joy and you are someone then the fortune was true. immediately change the title of this post to post-teenage wonder-world, literally. (or waterworld if you're into kevin costner. underworld is another one too right? who's in that one again? just change the title to post-teenage movie-world either way that's more appropriate. and take out the "literally". this is the 21st century, who reads anymore now that harry potter and twilight are movies?)

ricky cheney

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when i was a wee crawling baby,
i loved to explore our backyard -
and eat our little bunny foo foo's poop.

emily haglund

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silent killer

slipping on the ice
is probably a lot like getting cancer.
the world is fine,
and you're looking ahead.

then what has been lying -
invisible,
waiting to strike,
finds its opportunity.

and you're out of control with your eyes closed,
waiting for the pain.

that happened to me this morning.
not the cancer, just the ice part.

austinrory hackett

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if some

my friends all say that one day
they will either move to portland or new york

but i would rather just live in provo for the rest of my life

and work at honks and take night classes at byu.

sometimes i will go to smart cookie if it is still open

and i will always check my ldssingles.com account
to see if anyone has flirted with me.

you can't really do that stuff in new york or portland

because they don't have smart cookie

or the internet

chris duce

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on little kids' pick up lines















recently my beautiful little sister came to visit the class i teach.
when she met this wee 5 year old romeo, without hesitation he said,
"wow! i like your face."

megan morton

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garbage pail kids de la casa del footloose

rory bruggeman: snory boogerman, scary boogeyman,

whory booberman, gory bloodeman

chris crosby: piss poosby, priss prudesby, christy boobsby

austin rory hackett: awesim crack'hit, tossin' gory hatchets,

lostin thorny thickett

sam gray: flam bée, scam play, scum tray, damn clay, lamb hay





















chase mcmillan

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the consumption-communication complex

clearly the worst experience in the world is listening to peeps talk while eating.

the synchronous speak & swallow, the concurrent crunch and comment, the mutual munch and mention—each dual act an ungodly abuse and violation of agency.

the struggle of sound waves to escape obstacle-riddled mouths is rivaled only by the child’s toil as she emerges from the unyielding womb to come screaming into the lone and dreary world.

failing to separate consumption from communication represents the condescension of man to the rung of the beast:

like the youth who at the urinal scorns at the prospect of retrieving and positioning his instrument through his laborious layers of clothing, buttons, zippers and chutes-instead surrendering his pants to his ankles-the otherwise respectable human at the kitchen counter slothfully elucidates as he accumulates. let us cease to engage in such fiendish activity, and may the disgust of few diffuse to the minds of all.

bradley call barth

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a day at the office

click click click -- type
click click click click click
click click click -- phone rings
click click click click click
type type type -- lunch
type type type type type
type type type -- facebook
type click type click...
...how was work honey?
productive

rich curtis

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alyse bitty hair

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currency or you're the only current i see

current motto
-future druggist of america-
the key to a steady urine stream is in my hands

current initiative
-flavored saliva as a genetic modification-
the key to kissing your way to a flawless mate

current ensemble
-bottom grill plus shirt of a man-
the key to an unabashed, solitary weekend night

breanne, a.k.a. beez, a.k.a. jazzy

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shimmy shimmy shake,
keep my moves safe until i wake.
my pop and lock, my body roll,
even the ones ain't got no soul.
and in my dreams i pray i might,
groove with j.timberlake tonight.

meg stratton

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march

to support my friends,
i won't eat curdled fluids,
unfertilized young.

colin pinegar

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week one

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my favorite part of a cold
is probably right after the runny nose stage
when the mucus becomes substantial again.
i make a mountain of tissues by my bed

and the mountain makes me feel productive.

or maybe it's the first day of coughing
(before it dries the throat)
when a whole lecture hall goes silent
to wait for my fit to end

and for ten seconds everybody has to pay attention just to me.

austinrory hackett

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the following is a non-fiction short anecdote that i actually submitted to reader's digest about a year ago in attempts to claim 150 bucks... i am still anticipating my check:

late one night a friend and i had a disagreement about which of the 50 states was largest in size. he insisted it was texas while i was certain it was alaska. having a phone handy, i suggested that we call information to see if they might resolve the debate.

i dialed 4-1-1 and posed the question to the operator who answered.

she replied, with a hint of disstain in her voice, "this is not what information should be used for," and hung up.

disappointed by the response, we decided to call back and try again. i dialed and asked the woman who answered, "which state is larger, texas or alaska?" she replied, "that is so bizarre, the operator in the cubical next to me just asked me the same question. i'm pretty sure it's alaska"

myro

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gmail - a revolutionary new way to type.

inbox (1) - joy

inbox - pain

chats - forging eternal bonds

save now - incomplete thou

drafts - incomplete thoughts

spam - hawaiians love it but me.. not so much

reply - defining which individuals you care about

forward - mildly clever

subject - always takes about 2 minutes figure out

to: destination, purpose, goal

cc: quasi to to:

send - done and done

rich curtis

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i see the ice cream on your tie
not shockingly blatant
but obviously present.
a small spot nestled
between the diagonal navy
and red stripes.
it stands out.
light green, a dark brown smudge
reveals chocolate chip mint
as you present stats and data
point to pie charts and bar graphs
you are a package of perfection.
never a slip of the tongue
or embarrassing body noise.
perfect composure.
the facade of complete control

megan morton

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an altogether successful valentine's day is drawing to a close. how better to spend that day on which to commemorate your love for your loved ones, than by watching a sassy red-headed australian shop herself into emotional reconciliation? ah yes, compulsory behavior. i know thee well.

and on just such a note, we are driving past a tgi fridays! deep fried green beans? don't mind if i do.

the hostess must be reading my mind. yes, i see all these empty tables, but i think the understated décor would be set off so much better by sitting right behind the drink station, don't you? clearly. this way, we can have a better view of the rag that you are using to wipe down the tables.

so romantic. and out come our assortment of deep fried valentines.

thank goodness.

sara thomas

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waiting. i wait and i wait.
patient. i pate and i pate.
i'm bored. i look at the floor, my shoes.
you come. you look at the floor, my shoes.
you speak. i look at the floor, my shoes.
i think: please tell me how it could be
only the 45-year old men waiting in line flirt with me?

meg stratton

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birthday wishes

this day you came from the womb
your eyes do sparkle like the half moon
mother and father were so proud
when you popped out you cried so loud
your face was as magical as a wizard's left hand
this special day will be so grand

rev. marty

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haiku of hunger

i am hungry and my belly needs food

so tired of being hungry

so tired of lame girls

come to lunch.



don't tell me it's too far

don't tell me you don't have time

don't say you already ate

just come eat lunch with me

come to lunch.

gard nelson

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the kitty and the subatomic particle

in some parallel world of this multiverse,
every possibility creates another course.
the dead cat is alive, the donners get a ride,
and virtual self translates into real life.

but this sphere is my domain, and to this limit
you will always be better on the internet.

breanne ruthanne chipman

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long weekends

some people will die
and simultaneously
give birth to more fun.


my legacy

i hope when it ends
it will be on a monday.
the kids will love me!

colin pinegar

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journal

february 11
today i am grateful for adam rudnicki and the mix tape he made me senior year of high school - 1. because it was a tape and that was all i could play in my car and 2. because it changed my life. adam, sorry you had to sell all your things and start over in life. that means there are no more remaining copies.

february 16
technically i am no longer a new york resident.
but i am still a new yorker -
i talk with my hands
i have a loud and emotive voice
i believe in eating good food
september 11th makes our connections more real than anyone else could understand.

february 20
i've contemplated picking up smoking so that i can take four 10 minute breaks from work every day and go outside in the sunshine.
marlboro lites or american spirits?

i wonder if the twitch in my left eye that won't go away is correlated with the increase in the frequency of my winking. correlation or causation?

jana kopeinig

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joker

chris crosby

editor's note: chris did not actually write the lyrics to the steve miller band hit, "the joker", but he does live them to their fullest every day.

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academy award

rory bruggeman